Marriage is a lifelong commitment and so needs to be treated with utmost importance.
Before saying yes to that man coming for your hand or before requesting a lady’s hand in marriage, you must ask certain questions to ensure you’re on the same page with them.
It’s not enough to love them, but do they share the same ideology with you on certain morals and principles? Do your goals align? Do they want to have children?
What do they expect from you? These are questions you need to ask of your potential spouse to be certain they’re what you want.
Therefore, if you need Muslim questions to ask your partner before marriage, this article has got you covered.
I’ll be discussing 40 questions to ask your partner when preparing for marriage.
40 Muslim Questions to Ask Before Marriage
There are countless questions to ask your potential spouse before marriage. However, I’ll be discussing 40 very important ones.
From inquiring about their idea of an Islamic marriage, if they’re okay with polygamy, and the number of children they want, to how spiritual they are, these questions will give more insight about the person you’re planning to end up with.
Below are 40 Muslim questions to ask before marriage:
- What’s your idea of an Islamic marriage?
- Do you want an Islamic marriage or just a civil marriage, or do you want both?
- Are you okay with polygamy?
- How many children do you want?
- What do you know are the roles of a husband and that of a wife?
- How often do you study your Quran?
- How will you dress in marriage?
- How are you expecting your spouse to dress?
- Have you ever been married before?
- What’s your concept of responsibility towards your spouse’s family?
- What’s your concept of divorce?
- How devoted are you to the Islam religion?
- How spiritual are you?
- What expectations do you have of your spouse?
- How do you relate to your Muslim community?
- Will you be open to interfaith relationships and marriage for your children?
- Will you be open to your children changing religion in the future?
- What books do you read?
- Will you want an Islamic school for your kids?
- How do you relate to non-muslim people around you?
- Are you one to defend your faith mercilessly?
- Are you tolerant of other religions?
- What’s your idea of parenting?
- How do you intend to bring up your children in the Muslim faith?
- What’s your idea of conflict resolution in marriage?
- What’s the role of the imam in marriage?
- What’s your opinion on abortion?
- What’s your idea of celebrating Eid?
- How often do you pay zakat?
- Do you fast and pray, and how often do you do that?
- How often do you fulfill Islamic obligations?
- Do you like to receive visitors in your home?
- Do you believe in shared responsibilities, and what responsibilities should be shared?
- Do you see yourself becoming an imam in the future?
- How do you spend your free time?
- Do you like traveling?
- Do you listen to music and what type do you listen to?
- Do you have any plans for relatives to live with you in the future?
- Are you catering to anyone financially?
- How do you intend to live a healthy life?
What’s Your Idea of an Islamic Marriage?
One of the questions you shouldn’t fail to ask your partner when preparing for marriage is what their idea of Islamic marriage is.
It’s a necessary question because being a Muslim doesn’t automatically translate into understanding how a Muslim marriage works.
So, ensure to ask them what they know about it, and when they share their concept, you two can discuss it.
Do You Want an Islamic Marriage or Just a Civil Marriage, or Do You Want Both?
Another question you should ask your potential spouse is if they want both an Islamic marriage and a court marriage or either of the two.
This question will help both of you agree early to prevent unnecessary arguments when marriage preparations begin.
Are You Okay with Polygamy?
Polygamy is one of the practices of Islam. However, not every Muslim practices it.
Some men avoid polygamy because they don’t have the resources to cater to more than one wife, while some do so because it’s against their principles.
As a man who wants polygamy, ensure to ask the lady you’re courting if she’ll be okay with it. It’ll be unfair to just throw it on her with the excuse that it’s allowed in Islam.
Also, as the woman, ensure to ask the man if he’d want another wife someday, especially if you’re not okay with it.
This question is necessary to prevent unnecessary drama in the future.
How Many Children Do You Want?
Another inquiry to make of your partner before marriage is the number of children they want.
This question is important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page on this matter.
So, if you both want a different number of children, you can work on a compromise.
What Do You Know Are the Roles of a Husband and That of the Wife?
Another important question you shouldn’t fail to ask someone you’re seeing is what roles they know husband and wife play.
This question is important if you’re looking to get married to them. As a Muslim, understanding the roles of each married couple is important, as it’ll help build your family the right way.
So, ensure you have this discussion with your potential spouse to get on the same page.
How Often Do You Study Your Quran?
It might surprise you that there are Muslims who rarely study the Quran.
So, if you’re someone who takes studying the Quran seriously and would like to raise your children that way, you must discuss this question with your partner.
Moreover, if you do not and would like to start, you and your partner can discuss how you can develop the habit.
How Will You Dress in Marriage?
Another question to ask your spouse is how they’ll dress in marriage.
As a man, you might want to know how your Muslim wife would dress and if you’d be okay with it. Would she always dress decently? Would she use the hijab all the time? Would she wear the burka when going out?
If they’re something you’d want in your wife, then you should start early to talk about them.
How Are You Expecting Your Spouse to Dress?
Another question you shouldn’t fail to ask your partner is how they expect their spouse to dress when they get married.
Just like the above, you can ask them this question to hear what they have to say and see if it’s something you are okay with.
While it might look like a simple thing, it can be a huge deal when you two get married.
Have You Ever Been Married Before?
Asking your partner if they have been married before is another necessary question to engage them when discussing marriage.
Naturally, this is something they should tell you themselves if they are. But, if they’re yet to mention anything like that, you can ask them about it.
What’s Your Concept of Responsibility Toward Your Spouse’s Family?
Questions about responsibilities towards a spouse’s family is a question that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Intending couples usually have expectations of their spouse, and if they don’t discuss these things, it becomes a problem when the other don’t fulfill these expectations.
So, ensure you ask your partner about what they know is their responsibility towards your family, and both of you can have a discussion about yours too.
What’s Your Concept of Divorce?
Not everyone shares the same idea on divorce, irrespective of their religious teaching.
While Islam allows divorce as the last option, it’s necessary to talk to your partner about their idea of divorce. Is it something they’d consider if things are not working well? How are assets going to be shared if a divorce is happening?
How Devoted Are You to the Islam Religion?
Another thing you’d want to know about your potential spouse is their devotion to their religion, especially if you’re a very devoted Muslim.
How devoted are they? Can you marry someone who isn’t devoted? These are the questions you should ask them and ask yourself.
How Spiritual Are You?
Spirituality is another important aspect you should discuss with your partner before marriage.
As a Muslim, you must understand your intended spouse’s level of spirituality to see if it matches yours, and if it’s something you’re okay with.
Especially, if you’re very spiritual, this question should be asked early to know if you’d like to continue with them.
What Expectations Do You Have of Your Spouse?
Another question to ask your partner is what expectations they have of someone in marriage.
What do you expect of your partner when you’re married? How do you expect them to express their love?
These things should be discussed so that you don’t end up faulting your spouse when they don’t do these things in your head.
How Do You Relate to Your Muslim Community?
As a Muslim, building a community is part of being a Muslim. So, you shouldn’t fail to ask your potential spouse how they relate to their Muslim community.
How well do they relate with their Muslim brothers and sisters? Where do they draw the line? How do they want it to be during marriage?
It’s an important question to make sure you both are on the same page.
Will You Be Open to Interfaith Relationships and Marriage for Your Children?
Interfaith relationships and marriages are not uncommon these days. However, a very large number of people are not open to it.
So, as a Muslim with a Muslim partner, you should ask them if they’ll ever be open to giving their blessings to their children if they want an interfaith relationship.
It’s important parents are on the same page on this matter to know how to navigate through it if it ever happens.
Will You Be Open to Your Children Changing Religion in the Future?
What if your children switch to another religion, how will you handle it? This is a question to ask your partner.
While parents shouldn’t control the decisions of their adult children, giving their blessings is important.
So, this is one of the things to discuss with someone you want to marry to ensure you’re in agreement and have the same stance in the future.
What Books Do You Read?
Everyone is not a reader, and if you are, you might want to know if your partner is and what type of books they read.
This question is important to know your shared interests and to build ways to bond.
Will You Want Islamic School for Your Kids?
As parents, it can be sometimes difficult to arrive at certain decisions concerning your children. And if some of these things are not discussed early, it can be a huge deal when the time arrives.
So, one of the Muslim questions to ask before marriage is what your partner thinks of Islamic school for the kids
How Do You Relate to Non-muslim People Around You?
Another question you should ask your partner is how they relate to non-muslim people around them.
Are they the type that avoid them or are they friendly with them?
These are the things you should find out about the person you want to marry to see if they align with your principles.
You wouldn’t want to end up with someone who wouldn’t want your non-muslim friends to visit.
Are You One to Defend Your Faith Mercilessly?
Another question you should ask your intending partner is if they’re the type to defend their faith mercilessly.
Are they the type to avoid speaking about their faith in public? Are they the type that wouldn’t care about talking even when there’s trouble? Are they the type that would go extra to defend their faith, and how extra would they go?
Ask your partner these questions to know if they’re someone you want to be together with.
Are You Tolerant of Other Religions?
Another thing you should find out about someone you want to marry is if they’re tolerant of other religions.
Are they the type that’ll ignore a non-muslim at work? Are they the type that’ll deny someone a job because they’re of a different faith?
What are boundaries to them? Are they willing to look beyond religion when relating with non-muslims?
What’s Your Idea of Parenting?
While it’s the goal of every parent to raise responsible children, different parents have different approaches to parenting.
There’s no one-size-fits-all to this thing. But, you should find out from your partner what their concept of parenting is to see if it aligns with yours.
You wouldn’t want to end up with a partner who’ll always oppose your parenting style. So, ensure you have this conversation before marriage to bring you and your partner on the same page.
How Do You Intend to Bring Up Your Children in the Muslim Faith?
Another question you should ask someone you want to end up with is how they intend to raise their children in the Muslim faith.
Bringing up children in the Muslim faith will require parents who are ready to do the work and not leave it all alone to the imam.
So, ask your partner about their idea of raising their children in the faith.
What’s Your Idea of Conflict Resolution in Marriage?
Conflict in marriage is normal. But, it takes partners who are ready to make efforts to not allow these conflicts to destroy their marriage.
Resolving conflicts immediately as they arise is one of the steps to a long-lasting marriage. Unfortunately, not everyone has an idea of how to resolve misunderstandings.
So, if you have someone you’re hoping to get married to, ask them what they know about conflict resolution. It’s a very important discussion that can go a long way when you eventually end up together.
What’s the Role of the Imam in Marriage?
Another important question you should ask your partner is what they know is the role of the Imam in Marriage.
Are they the type that feels they should take all their problems to the imam? Have this talk with your potential spouse to make sure you don’t have different beliefs that you’ll take into the marriage.
What’s Your Opinion on Abortion?
Is your partner in support of abortion? Will they consider it in marriage?
Don’t fail to ask your partner what they feel about abortion so that you both will have an understanding of what you both want when you’re married.
What’s Your Idea of Celebrating Eid?
Find out how your partner celebrates Eid. Also, ask them how they’d like to celebrate it as a family.
Would they like to stay at home and have guests over? Will they want to celebrate with their family? Will they want to go on vacation? Would they like to visit friends?
Ask them to hear how their typical Eid celebration is and find a way to blend your idea into theirs.
How Often Do You Pay Zakat?
Zakat is one of the financial obligations of a Muslim. It’s money they donate to a charitable cause.
You should ask your partner this question, especially if you observe the obligation.
Do You Fast and Pray, and How Often Do You Do That?
Fasting and praying are some of the religious duties of a Muslim, especially on special feasts. However, it’s not every Muslim that is serious about these obligations.
Also, some reserve them for only special occasions. So, you should ask your intended spouse how often they fast and pray, especially when you do them a lot.
How Often Do You Fulfill Islamic Obligations?
Another Muslim question to ask your intending spouse is how often they fulfill Islamic obligations.
As a devoted Muslim, there are certain religious obligations we must fulfill. However, not every Muslim fulfills these obligations or even knows them.
So, this question is one of the things to ask your partner and discuss with them before marriage.
Do You Like to Receive Visitors in Your Home?
Another question to ask your partner is whether they like to entertain guests in their home.
How often would they like to have guests over when married? During festivities or occasionally?
Do You Believe in Shared Responsibilities, and What Responsibilities Should Be Shared?
Another question you shouldn’t forget to ask your partner before marriage is if they believe in shared responsibilities.
Not everyone ready for marriage shares the same idea of shared responsibilities. Others who do might disagree with you on the specific responsibilities that should be shared.
So, ensure you talk to your partner about this to bring you both on the same page.
Do You See Yourself Becoming an Imam in the Future?
As a lady, you might want to know if you might be the wife of an Imam. But, what if you don’t want that? So, don’t forget to ask the man coming for your hand in marriage if they’re open to the idea of becoming an Imam in the future.
How Do You Spend Your Free Time?
Another question you should ask your intending spouse is how they spend their free time.
What do they do when they’re not busy? Knowing this about someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is necessary.
Do You Like Traveling?
If you like traveling, you might want to know whether the person you’ll be ending up with does too. And what if they like traveling and you don’t?
How do you manage these differences? You should start early to discuss that.
Do You Listen to Music and What Type Do You Listen to?
If you’re a music lover, you might want to know if the person you’re ending with loves music like you and the type they like.
So, remember to ask them this while discussing marriage.
Do You Have Any Plans for Relatives to Live with You in the Future?
You should ask your partner if they plan to have any relatives live with them in the future.
This question is one of the important things to discuss, as not everyone welcomes the idea of family members living with them.
However, there are cases where exceptions can be made, but you should discuss it with someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with.
Are You Catering to Anyone Financially?
You should also ask your partner if they’re responsible for anyone financially. This is an important question intending couples should discuss.
They must be open about their finances and how they manage it when they’re ready to get married to another person.
How Do You Intend to Live a Healthy Life?
Also, discuss with your partner how they intend to live a healthy life. Hear what they have in mind and discuss with them how you both can achieve a healthy lifestyle together.
