We’ve all come to recognize that “It’s not you, it’s me” is a common breakup line used by people who are tired of their relationship and want to move on to someone else.
How you respond to this kind of statement really depends on what you want to communicate.
In our latest newsletter, we asked people about their thoughts on this phrase. The general feedback? Most people would rather move on than try to work things out, but they want to know the best way to respond.
That’s why we’ve put together a list of 15 great replies you can use when your ex-partner says “It’s not you, it’s me” at the end of a relationship.
Key Takeaways
Remember that this classic phrase can mean anything. It could be a sign that they don’t have the courage to be honest or that they’ve found someone else.
Generally, here are our top recommended replies for different contexts:
| Response Type | Sentence Example |
| Straightforward | Ok. I am disappointed to hear that. |
| Comeback | Alright. I’ll focus on myself now. You should too since you’re the problem. |
| Painful | Yes and until you deal with you, it’s no good for either one of us |
| Open to talking things out | Well, at least, you’re being honest. Is there a way we could fix this together? |
| Conclusive | Got it. Time to move on |
Truth be told, responding to the “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup line can be tough. Many people talk about what you can “do” after being told the statement.
What about what you “say” immediately after you’re told the phrase? In the sections that follow, we list some of the best options.
List of the Best Replies to “It’s Not You, It’s Me”
How you handle this situation depends on your perspective. Some people see it coming because they notice things going wrong in the relationship.
It’s a good idea to ask for the real reasons behind the breakup. But you don’t have to if you’ve concluded about moving on.
- That’s not an explanation.
- I understand. Good luck. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.
- Okay. I’m ready for something better anyway.
- Ok. I am disappointed to hear that.
- Either of us should not be good with this until you fix yourself then.
- Damn right, it is!
- I don’t want to hear that shit.
- Seems we’re on the same page.
- Got it. I’m sure I’ll find someone who’s actually into me.
- Well, at least, you’re being honest. Is there a way we could fix this together?
- I wish things had been different.
- Got it. Time to move on.
- Alright. I’ll focus on myself now. you should too since you’re the problem.
- Understood. I’ll be fine.
- Noted. I’ll find someone who actually knows what they want.
To start with, it’s good that the conversation begins without blame or hostility—this is a positive sign.
However, keep in mind that the phrase might just be a fake altruism. Whatever the case is, let’s now look at how you can use each of these replies.
1. That’s not an explanation
“That’s not an explanation” is simply one of the best things to say after your ex-partner tries to break up with the its-not-you-its-me line.
You’re straight up telling them that they shouldn’t use that excuse on you. Using this reply is a clever way to get them to tell you what the problem actually is.
You can follow up with “I’m trying to communicate with you so let me, let’s talk about this first.”
2. I understand. Good luck. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.
If you want to show that you’re ready to move on, you could say, “I understand. Good luck.”
This kind of response will naturally come to you if you’ve decided to move on, rather than begging for an explanation.
Don’t be surprised if your ex-partner now replies with, “Aren’t you going to ask what happened?” But that’s the point. If they truly respect you, they would explain the issue without waiting for you to beg for it.
3. Okay. I’m ready for something better anyway
You can feel tempted to give a sharp comeback. That’s why we suggest saying, “Okay. I’m ready for something better anyway” when your ex-partner says “It’s not you, it’s me.”
At this point, further discussion won’t change anything since they’ve already decided to move on without you. If your goal is to exit gracefully and not dwell on it, this is a great response to use.
4. Ok. I am disappointed to hear that.
Another option is to give a straightforward response. For instance, saying “Okay. I’m disappointed to hear that. I hope you find what you’re looking for” shows you’re not going to bend over backward to understand their reasons.
Indeed, you’re not happy with how things ended, but you’re ready to move on.
It indicates that if they’ve reached the point of being uncomfortable being honest, it’s not worth pushing for more details.
5. Yes and until you deal with you, it’s no good for either one of us
People often try to sound tough and confident when suggesting a reply to the classic “It’s not you, it’s me.”
But the truth is, we all have feelings, and there’s no harm in responding in a way that shows how hurt you are by your ex-partner’s excuse.
If you want to express the emotional impact, you could say something like, “I understand, but until you work on yourself, this isn’t good for either of us.”
6. Damn right, it is!
When your ex is ending the relationship and giving a made-up reason to avoid hurting your feelings, just reply with “Damn right it is.”
This way, they can’t exit the relationship while still trying to look like the good guy/lady in your eyes.
Nobody likes to be seen negatively by someone they care about, even if their feelings aren’t as strong as they once were. Your opinion still matters to them.
That’s why they use the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse. Responding with “Damn right it is” cuts through the pretense and shows you see through their excuse.
7. I don’t want to hear that sh*t.
This is not like the typical “don’t care” advice, but at Phraseably, we keep it real. And in real conversations, humans get frustrated when someone tries to gaslight us and we see right through it.
You can respond with “I don’t want to hear that” to let them know you’re aware there’s more to their excuse and you’re not going to accept it at face value.
8. Seems we’re on the same page
A good response to “It’s not you, it’s me” is “Seems we’re on the same page,” especially if you want to clearly mark the end of the relationship.
Hearing “It’s not you, it’s me” can be frustrating because it makes you feel powerless in the situation. It might also give you false hope that your ex will come back since they didn’t give a clear reason for leaving.
Unfortunately, this rarely happens. So, it’s better to use a response that makes it clear you both agree that the relationship is over.
9. Got it. I’m sure I’ll find someone who’s actually into me
When someone uses the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me,” they’re often trying to offer an excuse, even if they mean well.
Deep down, they hope to soften the impact and ease some of the breakup’s pain.
If you respond with “Got it. I’m sure I’ll find someone who’s actually into me,” you not only give them a dose of their own medicine but also show your self-awareness; something they seem to struggle with.
You recognize their attempt to deflect blame.
10. Well, at least, you’re being honest. Is there a way we could fix this together?
Sometimes, “It’s not you, it’s me” is a genuine reflection of their struggles, like mental health issues or substance abuse.
These challenges can make it difficult for them to maintain a healthy relationship with you.
If they’re being honest about this, you can respond with, “Well, at least you’re being honest. Is there a way we could work through this together?”
It’s a cool way to show that you’re interested in fixing things or talking things out.
11. I wish things had been different
Sometimes, someone might realize they can’t be the partner you need and use the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse to avoid hurting your feelings.
If you suspect this might be the case, you can respond with “I wish things had been different.”
They might use this line because they genuinely believe you deserve better, whether due to their issues or reluctance to commit. This is their way of saying it’s not your fault.
12. Got it. Time to move on.
Sometimes, someone might use the “it’s not you, it’s me” line to shut down further discussion because they’ve already decided to end the relationship and don’t want to talk more about it.
You can’t change their mind with promises to be better or suggestions to fix things because they’re making it clear it’s not about that.
Just accept it and respond with something like, “Got it, time to move on.”
13. Alright. I’ll focus on myself now. you should too since you’re the problem.
If you want a comeback response to the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, you could say, “Alright. I’ll focus on myself now. You should too, since you’re the problem.”
You may never get a clear answer about why they used this line. If that happens, take a deep breath and try to accept it.
This kind of comeback is best if you’re ready to move on but want to leave a final impression.
14. Understood. I’ll be fine.
Another cunny intention for a partner to use the “it’s not you, it’s me” line is that they want to keep you close but aren’t ready to fully end the relationship.
Maybe they want to leave the door open for a possible future reconciliation, which is unfair to you. If you’re invested and find it hard to say goodbye, keep your response brief and clear: “Understood, I’ll be fine.”
If you’re meant to be together, they’ll come back, but don’t waste your time waiting.
15. Noted. I’ll find someone who actually knows what they want
The reply “Noted. I’ll find someone who knows what they want” is another comeback response to the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” routine.
This response is a favorite because it leans towards the idea of being the bigger person and outgrowing your ex. It shows you’ve dethroned them from the pedestal in your mind.
The good thing about this reply is that it implies you’re emotionally mature, secure in yourself, and confident you won’t be alone forever.
You understand that you don’t need your ex and believe you can move on to a fulfilling life without them.
Final Thoughts
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, don’t let your self-esteem drop by begging them to stay. It’s important to let them go and keep the door open for those who want to leave your life.
You can end things knowing that the problems in the relationship weren’t your fault. The other person just decided they needed to deal with their issues making the relationship unworkable.
Don’t make things harder or try to fix a relationship when the other person has already said it can’t be repaired by you. Why? It’s really not about you.
Did you think of other best replies to “it’s not you, it’s me” while reading this post? Feel free to share in the comment section below.
