When someone says, “I don’t want to hurt you,” it can be hard to know what to say because that phrase can mean many things.
Usually, you might hear this from someone you’re romantically interested in.
They might say it when they realize their actions are unpredictable or that getting too close to them might not be a good idea right now.
Sometimes, people use this as an excuse for their erratic behavior and follow it up with, “I warned you.”
There are many possible meanings behind this statement. So, how should you respond when someone says, “I don’t want to hurt you”?
In this post, we’ve gathered some of the best responses and tips on how to use them in your situation.
Key Takeaways
- The best way to respond to someone saying, “I don’t want to hurt you” is to first consider the situation.
- If they’re warning you about physical harm, you can simply say, “Then don’t!” and leave the conversation. You don’t have to stay there.
- If someone you’re interested in says this, try responding with, “Your honesty is more important to me than worrying about hurting my feelings.” This encourages them to explain what they really mean.
- If your partner says it during an argument, ask, “Are you trying to push me away?” This can help address the actual issue.
We know you’re searching for the right words to respond with.
Ultimately, what you choose to say will depend on what you want to achieve from the conversation.
In the following sections, you’ll find up to 20 different responses you can use when someone says, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
However, you’ll need to first understand what this phrase really means to use these responses the right way.
What Does It Mean When Someone Says “I Don’t Want To Hurt You”?
If you’re in a heated argument with someone, they could make this statement. However, the common context of this statement is in the relationship level.
Sometimes, if a guy feels his partner is worried about being hurt by him, he might say this to reassure her that everything is fine and there’s nothing to worry about. This can also happen the other way around.
But, if someone you’ve been with for a while says this, it often means they’re thinking about the relationship.
They care about you and do not want to hurt you, but they might be considering ending the relationship.
If a guy or lady tells you they don’t want to hurt you, it’s usually a sign that a breakup might be coming soon, or he’s seriously thinking about ending the relationship.
List of 20 Best Replies to “I Don’t Want To Hurt You”
Here is our list at Phraseably for the best replies when someone says “I don’t want to hurt you”:
- Then don’t
- It’s okay to be honest. What are you worried about?
- Your honesty is more important than not hurting my feelings.
- It’s tough knowing you’re trying to avoid hurting me by hurting me.
- Are you leaning towards ending things?
- It feels like you’re pushing me away to protect yourself
- What’s leading you to say this?
- I’m listening. What’s leading you to say you don’t want to hurt me?
- Sometimes the truth is tough, but it’s what I need to hear.
- From where I stand, you’re the one going to get hurt if you don’t tell me what’s going on
- Are you pushing me away?
- Such a relief
- Should I be worried?
- How sweet. I’m really moved.
- I’d prefer you to be upfront with me.
- Save the drama; I can handle a little bit of reality.”
- You’re already hurting me by making me assume things.
- I’ve survived worse, trust me.
- You’re too kind—let’s see if you can actually back that up
- It still hurts hearing that.
1. Then don’t!
If someone says, “I don’t want to hurt you,” you can respond with, “Then don’t.” This reply gets straight to the point about their worry of causing harm.
It also shows that you’re not interested in talking about the possibility of being hurt, which puts your own safety first.
Plus, it might make the other person think more carefully about what they’re planning to do.
2. It’s okay to be honest. What are you worried about?
Responding with, “It’s okay to be honest. What are you worried about?” encourages the person to open up.
This is why we consider the reply best suitable for when the statement comes from a friend or your partner.
It helps the other person feel safe to share their concerns and why they think they might eventually hurt you.
3. Your honesty is more important than not hurting my feelings
Sometimes, what you want is for the person to be open and straightforward, especially if they’ve been acting distant, and use phrases like “I don’t want to hurt you” when you try to get closer.
In such cases, replying with “Your honesty is more important than not hurting my feelings” can encourage them to reveal the true reasons behind their statement.
4. It’s tough knowing you’re trying to avoid hurting me by hurting me.
When someone says they’re trying not to hurt you, but you still feel hurt, it can make things worse.
If your partner or someone you care about uses this excuse for their actions, it’s actually painful in itself.
In this situation, you might want to respond by saying, “It’s hard to deal with the fact that you’re trying to avoid hurting me by causing me pain.” It will hit them on an emotional level too.
5. Are you leaning towards ending things?
“I don’t want to hurt you” is a statement someone can say when they try to beat around the bush, hesitating to tell you why they don’t want you close to them.
If that appears to be the case in your situation, you can respond with “Are you leaning towards ending things?”
It’s better to clear things out and know where you stand in their lives. The i-don’t-want-to-hurt-you line is just a cover.
6. It feels like you’re pushing me away to protect yourself
Sometimes, we might say to people we care about that we don’t want to hurt them to suggest they should give us some space.
It may not be the case in your situation. But at least, having this assumption can prompt the person to want to explain what they really mean by their statement.
7. What’s leading you to say this?
When someone says “I don’t want to hurt you,” asking “What’s making you say that?” is a good way to get to the bottom of the issue between you.
Since this statement can have different meanings, an open-ended question helps you understand the real problem and what the other person wants from you.
They might want you to change your behavior, keep your distance, or stop getting too close.
8. I’m listening. What’s leading you to say you don’t want to hurt me?
Showing someone that you’re ready to listen is one of the secrets to converse your way out of any situation.
Sometimes, when someone says “I don’t want to hurt you,” you don’t need to respond immediately.
Instead, let them keep talking to explain why they feel this way. Often, just listening can encourage them to open up more than you might expect.
9. Sometimes the truth is tough, but it’s what I need to hear
Even if you have an idea of what the person means when they say “I don’t want to hurt you,” responding with “Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, but it’s what I need” shows that you understand their message but there’s more.
It also lets them know you’d prefer them to be honest and direct rather than playing games.
10. From where I stand, you’re the one going to get hurt if you don’t tell me what’s going on
Again, if you already know the person’s intent when they use the I-don’t-want-to-hurt-you line, and you want a snappy comeback or reply, this one will work.
11. Are you pushing me away?
There are several reasons why someone might warn you that they might hurt you, and one of those reasons could be that they want to push you away.
It’s okay to make this assumption and ask them to confirm it. Even if it seems like a hasty conclusion, it can prompt them to clarify things, which is exactly what you need. It’s a win-win.
12. Such a relief
If you’ve noticed red flags (like a lack of affection or commitment) from the other person, and they’ve now told you they don’t want to hurt you, it’s a sign that you should keep your distance.
In that case, responding with “such a relief” can be a good way to accept this and move on.
13. Should I be worried?
Sometimes, when someone says they don’t want to hurt you, they might be using it as a casual excuse to avoid getting close, committing, or becoming friends.
It’s helpful to ask them what they really mean by saying, “Should I be worried?” This way, you might find out if they’re expressing genuine commitment never to hurt you or giving you a real warning that they might!
You won’t know for sure until you ask. “Should I be worried?” is a good way to phrase your question.
14. How sweet. I’m really moved
If you want a sarcastic response to “I don’t want to hurt you,” you can say, “How sweet. I’m really moved.” This works well in a humorous context, especially if the person said it jokingly or lightly.
For instance, if you’re playing a game and they choose not to defeat you, saying, “I don’t want to hurt you; you’re a beginner in my league,” you can reply with, “How sweet. I’m really moved.”
Just be sure to use a sarcastic facial expression to match!
15. I’d prefer you to be upfront with me
“I’d prefer you to be upfront with me” is another ideal reply to give when someone says they don’t want you to hurt you. There is an underlying reason why they’ve made that statement.
Ask them to be upfront. It will indicate to them that you have a tough skin to accept the reality.
16. Save the drama; I can handle a little bit of reality.
Sometimes, when people say “I don’t want to hurt you,” they might be hiding their true intentions. Many personal stories online show this.
So, when someone says “I don’t want to hurt you,” a good way to respond is with, “Save the drama; I can handle a little bit of reality.”
17. You’re already hurting me by making me assume things.
The phrase “I don’t want to hurt you” can be very unclear, which can actually make you feel hurt, especially if it comes from someone you care about.
You can let them know that their words are already causing hurt because of the negative feeling they’re giving off.
18. I’ve survived worse, trust me.
One of the smart ways you can get someone to reveal their intent after saying “I don’t want to hurt you,” is to tell them you have survived worse, so they can be straight-up with you.
19. You’re too kind-let’s see if you can actually back that up
“You’re too kind—let’s see if you can actually back that up” is another witty reply for when someone warns about hurting you.
But what it really does is show them that you’re not going to be shocked when they disappoint you. By giving that warning, it’s now them against their words.
20. It still hurts hearing that
Tell the person that their warning about not wanting to hurt you is already causing hurt because of the negative feeling it creates.
Final Thoughts
When someone says, “I don’t want to hurt you,” they’re actually doing you a favor by giving you a heads-up that you might get hurt.
It’s better to take this warning seriously. If you think it’s worth discussing further, choose a response that fits the situation from our list above.
But, if the conversation seems to be escalating, it’s better to step back and stop whatever might be making them feel threatened.
So, it’s not just about how you respond, but also about how you handle the situation and we hope you found this article helpful in responding to this issue.
