40 Funny Things to Say After a Fight

If you’ve just had a quarrel with someone and you’re thinking of a way to end things in a cool way, saying something funny might be your plan. 

But how do you make someone smile after a fight? Well, we usually recommend you crack a few cute funny jokes so you both can share a good laugh. 

It’s better than trying to act funny which could only make matters worse. 

So if you determine that this fight just needs some humour to cool the situation down, then you can pick any option from our list of 40 funny things to say after a fight. 

Key Takeaways

• After a fight, the funny thing you say can be a question, remark, or quote. Just make sure it’s short and witty. 
• To sound funny, consider telling the person, “ Next time, let’s try using puppets. It’ll be less dramatic.”
• The key idea is that you don’t let the joke be about what you just finished fighting about so you don’t bring up the matter again.

One of the common emails we get from readers is usually around the question, “What should I say after a fight?” 

This is not an easy one to answer because it depends on context. Are you looking for funny things to say after a fight to your boyfriend? Or it’s a fight with just a random person? 

Your relationship with the person matters. But these remarks will work in most situations. 

List of the Best Funny Things to Say After a Fight

1. You’re a sneaky little snake
2. We all have a middle finger because of people like you.
3. If you’re going to argue with me, at least be funny.
4. I’m clearly winning even though I don’t know what this argument is about.
5. Well, that escalated quickly!
6. Okay, who won? Asking for a friend.
7. Can we pretend that didn’t happen and go back to normal now?
8. I’m exhausted from all this… let’s get snacks!
9. Well, that was intense. Are we best friends again now?
10. If we fight like this every day, I’ll need to start working out.
11. Can we schedule our next fight after lunch? I’m starving.
12. So, how about we fight over something more interesting next time?
13. Let’s put this in the ‘things never to talk about again’ folder.
14. Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as last time!
15. You know, I really think we could start a reality show with these fights.
16. That was exhausting. Are we done adulting now?
17. I should charge you for the emotional labor I just did.
18. Okay, but can we agree that I was still the smarter one?
19. I’m just saying, that was a 10/10 performance from both sides.
20. Good fight! Want a rematch in ten years?”
21. Okay, that was round one, who’s ready for round two?
22. Well, that was productive… not.
23. I may want to call that fun but we shouldn’t do it again.
24. I’m putting this on my resume under ‘Conflict Resolution Expert.’
25. You argue like someone who skipped breakfast.
26. I think we just solved world peace… or at least our drama.
27. Can we call it a tie and go for ice cream?
28. That fight gave me wrinkles… thanks a lot!
29. If I had a dollar for every fight we’ve had, I’d be rich!
30. Okay, can we just agree that we’re both stubborn and move on?
31. Let’s call this one a practice run.
32. I’m officially retiring from arguing. Too stressful!
33. Can we just pretend this was a rehearsal for something else?
34. Well, that was fun. Now, what were we fighting about again?
35. Let’s both agree that we were equally ridiculous.
36. So… we’re not making this a weekly thing, right?
37. Next time, let’s try using puppets. It’ll be less dramatic.
38. I can’t wait to tell people we fought over that.
39. On a scale from 1 to 10, how unnecessary was that?
40. Good news, I’ve learned nothing from this fight!

You will notice that these suggestions are simply one liners to end an argument. That’s how it should be because making a funny remark isn’t about how much you say. It’s about good timing, delivery, and how the person relates. 

As you continue reading, you will learn how to use each of these phrases.

1. You’re a sneaky little snake

Things sound funnier when they take people by surprise. So does this statement. It’s to show they really put up the fight. 

2. We all have a middle finger because of people like you

Even if you want to say something sass after the fight, there are better ways to put it without necessarily using vulgar words.

3. If you’re going to argue with me, at least be funny.

Asking them to at least be funny will crack the rib. 

4. I’m clearly winning even though I don’t know what this argument is about

You can display a level of levity towards the argument by pretending you don’t know what the argument is about. It strikes humour. 

5. Well, that escalated quickly.

Imagine saying this in a “Chris Rock” kind of style after a fight. It’s definitely going to cause laughter. 

6. Okay, who won? Asking for a friend

Since it’s a fight, any joke to make the situation trivial will surely work. So does this rhetoric question. 

7. Can we pretend that didn’t happen and go back to normal now?

Ask if you both can go back to normal because no one things fighting is normal. 

8. I’m exhausted from all this… let’s get snacks!

Life is too short to keep grievances at heart. Joke about the exhausting nature of quarrels to calm the tension. 

9. Well, that was intense. Are we best friends again now?

If the fight was between you and your best friend, then try this remark to end it amicably. 

10. If we fight like this every day, I’ll need to start working out

Implied statements are always a banger in humour. So you can never go wrong with this kind of joke after a fight. 

11. Can we schedule our next fight after lunch? I’m starving

Again, this one is centered on making the situation look trivial so the comedy will hit home. 

12. So, how about we fight over something more interesting next time?

By implying that what you both were fighting over isn’t interesting, it establishes common grounds. 

13. Let’s put this in the ‘things never to talk about again’ folder

The fight we have with people close to us isn’t always going to be prodest moments. So saying this after the quarrel makes sense. 

14. Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as last time!

If there has been a time in the past where you both quarreled, you can compare it to the present one. The humour is in the comparison. 

15. You know, I really think we could start a reality show with these fights

Drawing reference from the fights and drama that happen in reality show can truly lighten the tension after any fight with someone. 

16. That was exhausting. Are we done adulting now?

Replacing fighting with adulting will set you and the person on the same page and give you both something to finally smile on. 

17. I should charge you for the emotional labor I just did.

The emotional stress that went at the expense of the fight shouldn’t be for nothing. Agreed?

18. Okay, but can we agree that I was still the smarter one?

This one is tricky because the person may still want to argue and prove a point. But it’s worth the shot. 

19. I’m just saying, that was a 10/10 performance from both sides

Many people argue or fight just to prove they are right. You can call both winners in a rather hilarious manner. 

20. Good fight! Want a rematch in ten years?

Hilariously saying you’d want to fight them again in the next ten years means it’s something you don’t want to do again. 

21. Okay, that was round one, who’s ready for round two?

You have to say this one in a way that it’s obvious you don’t mean those exact words and it’s simply sarcasm. 

22. Well, that was productive… not.

Fighting isn’t always worth it. It’s a waste of time and energy but it can strengthen bond. 

23. I may want to call that fun but we shouldn’t do it again

Calling a fight fun and saying you wouldn’t want to ever do it again is a hilarious sarcasm to mean you don’t want to fight with them anymore. 

24. I’m putting this on my resume under ‘Conflict Resolution Expert.’

After the fight, and you both are bonding back, you can make a joke about how you guys are moving past the situation. 

25. You argue like someone who skipped breakfast

Have you seen someone who skipped breakfast arguing? Exactly. Comments like this will surely stir a laugh. 

26. I think we just solved world peace… or at least our drama.

Plenty of funny jokes come from exaggeration and so does this one. 

27. Can we call it a tie and go for ice cream?

Many people would drag an argument just to prove a point that you’re the one in the wrong. So throw up this suggestion in a light tone. 

28. That fight gave me wrinkles… Thanks a lot!

When you say something gave you wrinkles, it means it stressed you out. So it’s a funny way to make such an expression. 

29. If I had a dollar for every fight we’ve had, I’d be rich!

Expressions such as this one will always make for a good laugh. With the right delivery, expect them to smile at least. 

30. Okay, can we just agree that we’re both stubborn and move on?

One of the easiest ways to come up with something funny after a fight is to look for a common ground that both can agree on. 

31. Let’s call this one a practice run

Calling the quarrel a practice run will surely strike humour because it means you wouldn’t even consider it an actual fight. 

32. I’m officially retiring from arguing. Too stressful!

When you put your remark this way, the person would want to smile as a reaction because it shows you’re not cool with fighting with them. 

33. Can we just pretend this was a rehearsal for something else?

Asking the person to pretend about the fight sends the impression that you believe it wasn’t worth it at all. 

34. Well, that was fun. Now, what were we fighting about again?

Pretending as though you forgot what the fight was about would make light of the situation. A classic way to provoke laughter. 

35. Let’s both agree that we were equally ridiculous

By implying that you both are equally ridiculous, it establishes common grounds which is a nice way to settle the dust. 

36. So… we’re not making this a weekly thing, right?

Unlike most other funny things to say that has question mark, this one isn’t rhetoric. You should expect a response from the person. 

37. Next time, let’s try using puppets. It’ll be less dramatic.

Classic comedy shows for children involve the use of puppets (a movable model (or doll) of a person or animal). Using such a reference will surely strike a chord. 

38. I can’t wait to tell people we fought over that

Making this statement after a fight will just show how ridiculous the whole situation was….in a funny way. 

39. On a scale from 1 to 10, how unnecessary was that?

Trying to draw a relationship between the fight and how unnecessary it was may not inspire laughter but it’s a sure way to lighten the tensed situation. 

40. Good news, I’ve learned nothing from this fight!

When you start with “good news,” it may seem as though you support fighting them. 

But saying you learned nothing will show that the fight wans’t worth it and there are better ways to resolve conflicts. 

Final Thought

Remember, if someone is arguing with you, it’s probably because they’re feeling angry or frustrated. 

Don’t take it personally, and just try to diffuse the situation. The suggestions in the above article will work for most situations.